Lee’s Tattoo

I’ve broken up with Lee. I wish it had been the other way, him breaking up with me. I can’t get the look of his eyes out of my mind. Anger, confusion, hurt…and it was all my fault, really. Just because I was acting bossy. I can’t help it. I am bossy, with him at least. But only for his own good. I mean, does he really have to go put himself at risk for infection and pain just to get rid of something nobody really sees but he and I? That stupid tattoo! I wish he’d never gotten it. So does he, actually. It happened years ago, I think he was an Ensign or something,  and he thinks he must have been drunk or something ‘cause he woke up with it during a shore leave and didn’t even remember getting it. Probably after a special assignment if you know what I mean by special assignment.  I can just imagine him letting off some steam.

It’s hard for him to let off steam. In his position, he can’t very well say, ‘Gee, boss, go f…yourself’ or something like that. Not that he would. He’s far too much an officer and gentlemen to revert to that kind of profanity. Oh, he does argue with Nelson. Frequently. Stuff of legend, some of it. But in the end they always get back together, the Brother’s Extraordinaire.  But will we manage to get back together?

I stayed with Angie that night. She acted like a big sister. Let me rant but never told me I was behaving badly or that I was right or wrong. She just knew I needed to cry. I must have gone through every Kleenex in her place. She did say that love is a tricky thing and isn’t that the truth! But I still think Lee should have at least gotten my opinion  about removing his tattoo first! Seems like a lame excuse to break up with him now doesn’t it, as this morning’s coffee is helping me to clear all the emotional baggage of last night.

I’ve taken a personal day, and I have to wonder what they’re all saying at the Institute. Probably laying all the blame at my feet for their beloved Captain. And Nelson, well, no doubt he’ll be pacing his office, puffing away as he tries to keep out the business between Lee and I. Chip, of course, will side with Lee as a good friend will. Oh, they differ now and then. Loudly. But guys, well, they do tend to stick together in matters of the heart or lack of it, as things stand between Lee and I now. Sort of. Oh, damn, I miss him!

What am I going to do now? Crawl back and apologize when it’s Lee who should apologize to me?

I think I’m right. He thinks he is, which doesn’t help the fact that I saw a Congratulations On Your New Arrival card lying in a pile of Angie’s bills. Seems she thought I was pregnant. Never happen now, girlfriend. Not that Lee and I were trying, of course. But  I was going to talk to him about it. After all, we don’t use protection that much. Lee would be a good father, but would he really want to be saddled with extra responsibilities should it happen? And what would we do if it happened? I won’t consider some options. I don’t think he would either. But it’s all a moot point now, children, family, home…marriage. A bit backward from the norm I know and my father’s never forgiven me for actually sleeping with a man I’m not married to. He’ll be thrilled to know we’ve broken up.

 I’ll never get Lee back. His eyes told me that. His eyes…oh Lee, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry..

I think I’ll drown my sorrows with some Double Fudge Brownies. But I know that won’t help. Nothing will help.  Oh Lee, Lee, Lee…

The hell with it. I’m going to go find him. Tell him I’m sorry. That I behaved badly. That he can do anything he wants with the damn tattoo. That I’ll never butt into matters I have no business with if  we can only start over. That I love him. That I love him. That I love him. That I love him.