Memo
From: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
To: Purchasing
Dept, NIMR
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
Revamping the Admiral’s cabin will
require more than a few days. Are you quite sure the cabin’s entryway needs to be lowered to the main deck just because
your new Captain forgets to step down or up, depending on if he’s entering or leaving? In time he’ll get used
to it as much as he, as a submariner, is used to ‘knee knockers’. In the interim, make sure Seaview has a lot
of ice aboard for his swollen ankles whenever he forgets and trips.
In addition, when the Admiral’s first
designed the sub, he assured us that drawers weren’t needed under his bunk, that he had lots of closet space. So we
have to ask, is it a nautical décor thing? We can install art deco portholes.
From: Purchasing Dept, NIMR
To: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
He wants drawers for a place to put his
in, pun intended. He’s used up most of his closet space for some of his toy boats and because he’s put an electronic
gizmo in front of and behind his desk, so he has to put his model of Seaview
someplace. Besides, with all the rocks and rolls, it keeps falling off it’s cradle to the deck. There’s only so
much super glue can do.
As for the entryway to Nelson’s cabin,
everyone will be happier, especially sickbay, if the Captain will be able to quit saying he’s ‘fine’ every
time he stumbles and crashes to the deck, limping his way back to the control room. Not to mention the depleted stores of
ice will be a thing of the past.
By the way, the Admiral also wants a bookshelf
installed underneath the TV monitor and paneling above and below the safe.
Seaview will arrive in port next Thursday
for four days.
From: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
To:
Purchasing Dept, NIMR
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
I don’t suppose he wants matching
pillows?
From: Purchasing Dept, NIMR
To: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
Actually, he’d prefer something in
a ‘granny square’ design. To go with the afghan his sister made and expects to be aboard when she visits next
September.
Somebody goofed with the paneling job.
Nelson’s safe has been walled over, and he’s complaining about splinters every time he tries to peel the plywood
back to reach it. Which is quite a lot, all that top secret stuff you know.
As for art deco portholes, as long as they’re
non functioning, we’d like to order a gross. Just the thing to brighten up the Skipper’s mood when he’s
in a deep funk. Also nice in the guest quarters to help avoid those unexpected clastrophobic episodes from the Admiral’s
scientist egghead buddies.
By the way, we need to move the Captain’s
bunk over to the other wall; apparently he favors that side of the bulkhead.
From: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
To:
Purchasing Dept, NIMR
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
Will need at least three weeks,as the blueprints
show we’ll have to relocate his cabin or rip out a couple of frames. Revamping a sub can be diffiuclt when the almost
feminine structure of the boat includes such gigantic curved structural beams.
It won’t take long to remove the
mislaid paneling over the Admiral’s safe. In the meantime, may we recommend, ‘Splinter Sofener Gel’ for
his fingers.
From: Purchasing Dept, NIMR
To: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
Hate to be a pest, but we’ve had
some major water damage to most of the boat, requiring a full stint in drydock, moisture removal pumps, required along with
mold and mildew remover, not to mention disposal and replacement of all bedding,
mattresses, etc.
Some of the guest and officer’s quarters
will require replacement bunk frames. Material of choice is plastic.
The captain is favoring the other side
of the bulkhead now.
From: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
To:
Purchasing Dept, NIMR
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
Dry dock B has been reserved for Seaview on a permenent basis. Thank you for
your continued business.
Is this favoring one bulkhead over another
some kind of medical or psychogical condition of your Captain? If so, may we recommend two Captain’s Cabins for him
to use as the mood strikes.
From: Purchasing Dept, NIMR
To: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
We'll consider the idea. We
can always use a spare cabin for when he’s being impersonated or posessed by some alien, foreign bad guy, or ghostly
goul.
From: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
To:
Purchasing Dept, NIMR
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
While you consider the Captain’s
cabin/cabins, you may wish to use a new product ‘Ghost be Gone’ or
the ‘Paranormal Alarm’ should you be in this position again.
Ace does not endorse this product, but
hey, it couldn’t hurt if your Captain has a recurring problem with this sort of thing.
From: Purchasing Dept, NIMR
To: Ace Boat Builders, Inc.
Re: Cabin Fever, SSRN Seaview
The Admiral has decided against a second
cabin for the Captain and has told him that while he’s an understanding Admiral, that the Captain will just has to put
up with his present cabin unless the boat suffers exterior and interior hull damage.
He has agreed to a new interior paint job,
however, even though it’s the same old yellow and blue blah. But I have
it on the best authority that the Captain is pressing for an exterior job, something in Corvette red. No answer from Nelson
yet. Will keep you posted.
