Memo
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
Re: Going Green
Lt. Cmdr. Jackson has informed me that you may have taken my new orders about ‘going green’ a bit too seriously.
It’s one thing to grow some plants
aboard. They increase morale and oxygen, however, when they clog the equipment, it’s going too far.
In addition, I understand that Cabbage
is now a staple on the menu. Do I have to remind you that serving this frequently could lead to an explosive situation?
From: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
We have already taken care of exessive
plant growth. It won’t be long before the rest is removed from the Reactor, Control, and Missile Rooms. But we'd
like to keep the African Violets. They’re soft and fuzzy and have become service plants. You know, something to
stroke and pet during those stressful situtations.
As for Cabbage, it will remain
on the menu, espeically with Corned Beef. We’re in the Irish Sea so we thought it would be good PR, especially with it being so close to St. Patrick’s
Day. Besides, Doc has an OTC pill specifically designed for any side effects. We’re also serving green eggs and ham.
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
Re: Going Green
PR is one thing, but and Corned Beef and
Cabbage is not actually an Irish dish. Ask Agent Catfish. Green eggs and ham? Don’t tell me Harry orders your foodstuffs
from Army surplus or Dr. Seus?
I've also been informed you've taken
to dying your ties and khaki’s green, which is going way overboard.
I realize the color goes with your eyes somewhat, and certainly must be
dashing with Harriman’s red hair, but as Reserve officers, I am compelled to put you both on report for being out of
uniform!
And you must order your crew to cease
and desist from stroking the Aftrican Violets even if they are furry. No pets are allowed aboard Seaview!
From: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
Gee, Admiral, is there no pleasing you?
We’ve done everything in our power to ‘go green’. The only thing left is to capture a Leprechaun and demand
the granting of three fine wishes.
From: Adm. Harriman Nelson, SSRN Seaview
somewhere at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
Crane informs me you've been badgering
him regarding his attempts to follow your orders to 'go green.' Cease and desist yourself. My crew may pet the African Violets
(which have propogated quite sucessfully in the Reactor Room quite nicely) as often as they wish.
I understand Naval rules and regulations
will force us to revert back to our normal black ties and biege khaki’s, however, I'll have to put my foot
down about Lee removing green dye from his hair. Its far too helpful for us to keep an eye on him when he's off
undercover, even without night vision goggles.
As for me, well, at least Sharkey
is happily downing some real Irish Whiskey (his wish) that won’t deplete my own personal supply. They we’ll treat
ourselves to some freshly made Irish soda bread with home churned butter (Morton's wish).
Lee hasn't made up his mind yet about what
he wants to wish for but I won't be surprised if I wake up some fine morning to find Seaview painted red...It's a Crane thing.
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Adm. Harriman Nelson, SSRN Seaview,
somewhere at sea
Re: Going Green
Wishes? What wishes? What the devil is going on down there?
From: Adm. Harriman Nelson, SSRN Seaview
somewhere at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
In answer to your question, well, if you'll ask me no questions, I'll tell
you no lies(common pirate quote)...oops, sorry Jiggs, wrong episode...
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
Re: Going Green
Pirate quotes? Have you all gone quite
mad? I realize Seaview undertakes hazardous duty, but it was a simple mission to the Irish Sea. I'm reccomending a complete
pysch evaluation for all hands upon your return.
From: Adm. Harriman Nelson, SSRN Seaview,
somewhere at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
Sorry, we'll be delayed in Boston for the St. Patrick’s Day parade and a party at City Hall.
Don't worry, we'll abide by Naval rules and regulations and wear our khakis. Lee will fit right in the celebration with
his greenish (sometimes) eyes, and dyed hair, I’ll be wearing a shamrock, and Sharkey a four leaf clover. And just so
you don’t feel left out, I’m sending you a bonefide Irish kilt, the Starke tartan no less for the St. Patrick's
Day parade in Honolulu.
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
Re: Going Green
There’s no way I’m wearing
a kilt!
From: Adm. Harriman Nelson, SSRN Seaview
somewhere at sea
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
Better than wearin a grass skirt. I expect you to do your civic duty, even
if it's not an official holiday and you do outrank me.
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Adm. Harriman Nelson, Boston
Re: Going Green
St. Patrick's Day in Honolulu. Won first prize for best costume. The
prize was suppposed to be 2 cans of green paint. But they'd made an error and it turned out to be red.
From: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, Boston
To: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
Re: Going Green
Congrats on the kilt sir! I don't suppose you'd care to donate that paint?
I know a very special lady who would just love it.
From: Adm. Jiggs Starke, ComSubPac
To: Adm. Harriman Nelson, Boston
Re: Going Green
Don't you dare paint Seaview red, Crane! The very idea!
From: Cmdr. Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview, somewhere
at sea
To: Lt. Cmdr. Joe Jackson, ComSubPac
Hi Joe. Have some very nice African Violets for your Mother. Let
her know I'll have them waiting for her when she comes out here on her vacation.
Odd communications from Starke the past few days. Seemed to have
the idea I was going to paint Seaview red. As if two cans of paint would be enough!
PS: If Starke's not going to use them, set them aside for me in the stockroom.
Mark them, 'Top Secret.'
