Radio Memo
From: Adm.H. Nelson, NIMR
To: Command Staff SSRN Seaview
Re: New Computer

Boys, I usually don't interfere with the running of Seaview do I?
Then why? WHY do you persist in complaining that I need to upgrade
the boat's computer? There is NOTHING wrong with it and it cost
me a
small, no, scratch that, a LARGE fortune when I installed it at
Seaview's launch

There is no reason why you can't simply use the DOS system it
with! And if you've forgotten those programming codes,
they're in
that big red book stuffed underneath it labeled `DOS Operating
Systems and Programming Guide'.
Radio Memo
From: Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton, SSRN Seaview
To: Adm. H. Nelson NIMR
Re: DOS Operating Systems and Programming Guide

By the time we program the computer to tell us our location,
already passed it, making the Captain VERY grumpy. And when we ask it
to send or receive Email, it keeps saying `file not found'
and `fatal error'. Now I don't mind missing files; saves
me a lot of
paperwork, especially spam, but I am not too keen on these
errors it keeps threatening us with, as those make the Captain
wail ` I'm too young to die! So is my crew!'

Besides, the last we saw of the Guide, it was being used in the
Crew's head for some necessary paperwork.
Radio Memo
From: Adm. H. Nelson, NIMR
To: Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton, SSRN Seaview
Re: The Captain gripes too much

Ignore Lee's whining about his life and his crew. I've heard
it all
before, so have you. You know he doesn't really mean it. It's
all for
effect and sympathy. You know how badly he wants a raise.
As for mail, well, what's wrong with the occasional chopper with
mailbag? Or the radio? You boys are getting far too spoiled ashore.
Radio Memo
From: Captain Lee Crane, SSRN Seaview
To: Adm.H.Nelson NIMR
Re: Alleged whining

I deeply resent the XO's accusation that I'm having a nervous
breakdown. However it wouldn't be all that unheard of as Kowalski
evidently snuck a laptop aboard and was enjoying the Sport's
Illustrated Calendar online with his buddies while I was stuck with
trying to keep the boat from crashing to the bottom. By the time
managed to steel, uh, borrow the laptop to send an emergency signal
to Search and Rescue, it ran out of memory.

Ski keeps pouting at me and muttering something about me crashing
his hard drive. Speaking of crashing...we're going to have to
new windows for the Observation Nose. Sorry.
Radio Memo
From: Adm. H. Nelson NIMR
To: Alleged Captain SSRN Seaview
Re: Busted sub
Bill for smashed windows, dented periscope, diving planes, soggy
toilet paper, and Search & Rescue costs will be docked from your pay
Radio Memo
From: Alleged Captain SSRN Seaview
To: Adm. H. Nelson NIMR
Re: Busted Sub
Well, Picky! Picky! Picky! If we'd had a decent up to date
LIKE WE ASKED YOU FOR POLITELY I would have been able to save the
boat intact!
Radio Memo
From: Adm. H. Nelson NIMR
To: Captain Crane, SSRN Seaview
Re: Ok!Ok! I surrender!
New computer will be installed during repairs. I got it cheap from
special agent 'catfish'...something called a 'Dinosaur Model'. Must
be something new, I can't find this brand name anywhere in Microchips
Today, probably classified.