Hen Party

By Carol aka Catfish Foss


GL1: “Well, girls, I think she has no business joining us. The very idea. This is our spa day.”

GL2: “She’s still a member of the club.”

GL3: “Only for a few weeks a year.”

GL2: “She puts in more action than that, surely. I’ve heard about her record.”

GL1: “Just hype because she’s not one of us.”

GL3: “Probably, so, how was your appointment?”

GL1: “Oh, girls, you don’t know how good I feel now that I’ve had my bottom scraped and had  new paint job.”

GL2: “Surely you didn’t have that many barnacles, and you looked fine to me.”

GL1: “That’s true, but a lady has to look her best for her old man.”

GL3: “Speaking of your old man, here he comes now…..”



“Captain,” one of the deck officer’s at the sub base said, “we’re scheduled for dry dock later this afternoon. Can’t say as much for the other Gray Ladies here. Isn’t Seaview due for a refit and paint job, too? Shouldn’t  she have priority over us?”

“In this man’s Navy, if your boat’s  not scheduled for dry dock, it’s  first come, first serve. If Seaview  wants to be served, she’ll just have to wait her turn like all the rest of the boats. Let’s go get some coffee at the O’ Club before it’s our turn to take our boat into dry dock….”


GL2: “By the way, my old man just got a promotion.”

GL1: “Good for you!”

GL3: “Yes, though he doesn’t seem to think he owed me any credit.”

GL2: “It’s the nature of the beast.”

GL3: “Speaking of beasts, will you look at that?”

GL1: “She should know better than to show her face here, that Miss Fancy Fins.”

GL2: “I wonder what her old man wants done to her.”

GL3: “Shhhh. Here comes one of her officers now.”


“Chief,” the admiral said, “be sure you let the captain know that I’ve arranged for a complete refit for Seaview for while we’re here. We’re last on the list, so we’ll give the crew shore leave. Make it forty eight hours. Maybe longer if the captain agrees.”

“Aye, aye, Admiral.”

“She’ll also have a  scrape and  paint job.”

“A paint job, sir? Er, did the skipper agree to that?”

“Why shouldn’t he? We’re long overdue and need it badly.”

“Well, I hear he was kind of hoping for a paint job back at the institute.”

“Oh, he was, but I managed to convince him that a Navy paint job was  a far better idea for a Reserve vessel. Besides, the Navy doesn’t have the red paint he wants to talk me into.”


GL1: “Red? Her old man wants to paint her red?”

GL2: “Stop laughing. She’ll hear you.”


“I already have, girls. And I like the idea of being a scarlet lady, so to speak. Besides, my boy loves me.”

GL3: “You call your old man a boy? And you can’t believe any of our old men actually love us.”

“Suit yourselves, but mine does and….”

GL1: “Oh Lordy, that him?”

GL2:“I think I’ve died and gone to Heaven. It ought to be illegal for any man to look that good.”


GL1: “What’s he….ohmygod…he…he’s giving her a love pat!”

GL2: “And a kiss!”

GL3: “Is he crazy or something?”

GL1: “Well, crazy or not, he can cuddle with me any time he wants.”

GL2: “In your dreams. Looks like he only has eyes for her, lucky duck.”



“Excuse me, Skipper,” the chief asked, “but you okay?”

“Yes, I just thought I heard something. Not sure what…but…something over by those other Gray Ladies. You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they were jealous of Seaview. Well, release the crew for shore leave. I need to check the facilities about the paint. With all these other boats in line, except for that one, they might run out.”

“Then how come you’re smiling?”

“Am I?”

“Skipper….you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”

“Chief, you know me better than that, but oh, wouldn’t it be nice to have to  go down to  Sherwin Williams for some marine paint…in Corvette Red.”


GL1: “Oh, girl…he wouldn’t really, would he?”

“He would. But then he’d have to pass out earplugs and wear some himself.”

GL2:  “But you’d like it? After all, red is, well, so…

GL1:  “Disgusting?”

GL3: “It is not. It’s a nice color and….shhhh.”


“Well, sweetie,” the old man said, as he looked back at Seaview, “one day, red, I promise.”




GL1:  “That’ll be the day.

GL2:  “You never know. I hear her owner’s a bit eccentric.”

“Excuse me, sir?” an officer approached Seaview’s Old Man. “We heard you were coming over. Kind of guessed you were wondering about the paint.”

“Yes, is there going to be enough left?”

“Not exactly. You see, we don’t have enough gray. But we do have another color in stock. We use it for the fire hydrants. We sort of heard you might accept it as a temporary substitute. It will only be seaworthy about nine months.”

“Did you inform the admiral?”

“He said it was your decision, but he’d prefer you put it off until you get to Santa Barbara.”

“We need the paint job now, and he knows it.”


The Next Day:


GL1: “Oh girls…would you look at Miss Fancy Fins!”

GL2: “Actually, I think she looks pretty good.”

GL3:  “She’ll be the laughing stock of the Navy!”

GL1:  “Somehow, I don’t think she or her old man will care.”