From: EOD ( Equal Ogling Dept ), NIMR, Santa Barbara, Ca.
To: Agent Scotty
Subj: Unequal opportunities
We received your complaint and found it unfounded.*That doesn't sound
right but we have no time to send this to the Human Resources Dept.
Throughout your employment with NIMR, male employees have had ample
opportunities to enjoy the companionship and camaraderie of the
opposite sex. Ignore the spelling if there’s a mistake; I'm an executive, not a
Example: Mermaid. For information on how to locate her address,
inquire of Cmdr. Crane; he knows the way to the grotto. Diver's
qualification required, armed protection advised as her 'bodyguards'
do not like her flirting with humans. It is not known if previous
bodyguards were relatives or pets.
Example: Litchka, double agent. For information on how to contact her, check with the
CIA and KGB. Caution advised. Double agents are unreliable dates and
could leave you standing at the popcorn counter during the movie.
Example: Office Staff, including but not exclusive to Lola, Katie,
Angie, and Tish,( if you don't mind the Admiral being a bit protective
of them), after all, they're like daughters to him.*assumption by this
Dept. although we have it on good authority that the Admiral, while
mature, is still a sailor.
Use caution with the office staff, as since they're stuck
ashore minding the institute and are bound to be a bit mift all all
the fellows getting all the attention and better pay and TV and movie
Example: Foreign tourist, i.e. The snooty girl the Captain was
smooching with in his car when Sharkey had to interrupt him. Use
caution, Crane is still upset she snubbed him. This sort of thing doesn't happen to
him a lot and his ego was bruised. At such times, he is not in a good mood and may be
difficult to work with.
Example: Blondes. Use caution, may age at an accelerated rate in the
company of NIMR employees,ie.one of the Admiral's egghead scientist
friends who aged 100 years in a few days. Must be something about
subs, maybe that's why women weren’t generally allowed on them.
Example: Mature women doctor/scientists. Use caution. The Captain was
a bit smitten with one of them, but maybe he was missing his mother.
The Admiral was a bit smitten with one of them too, and she was a
So, Agent Scotty, there are ample opportunities to enjoy the
appearance and friendship of the opposite sex while in our employ.
In addition, you can always enjoy a guys night out with Chief Sharkey
and crew at the Lucky Dog bar and grill when Seaview is in port, to
compare notes on the women Seaview has encountered and those in town.
Use caution. Sharkey may wish to play poker even while eyeing
them, and his lucky poker shirt will reduce visibility it's so loud.
Good luck on your reconnoitering!
PS. I'm single, want a date? Of course, I'll have to bring my oxygen
along. Just because of a little accident at the institute's nuclear
power plant. You know, it just isn't fair, it's not my fault I glow
in the dark and have excessive body hair along with accelerated
wrinkling and the desire to howl loudly. I understand the Captain and
Admiral each had similar problems too. So, Agent Scotty, meet me for