BYLINE BY LT. CMDR.
It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop as the brown paper bag was passed around four weeks ago and not because of its lingering odors of Admiral Nelson's baloney sandwich.
This was the day of a great decision but the souls who would be the most affected were elsewhere, just down the hall as a matter of fact, as Cmdr. Crane, on his knees, scrubbed an area of his office carpet due to an 'little accident', while the culprit licked his face and nose and generally made it difficult for the Skipper to finish.
Yes, he was having increasing difficulty housebreaking the furriest addition to his household, his mother having arrived last week to take over watching over his new pet for those times he'll be at sea far far away.
In 'loco parentis' for her son, Mrs. Crane was designated to pull out one of the several names placed in the bag, to be the Border Collie's official name, the Skipper having been unable to decide on one. Some suggestions had been refused outright, some deemed a bit too odd, though personally he did like the way 'Whisper' sounded. "Just not a dog's name," Cmdr. Morton convinced him.
"Well?" the Captain finally arrived with his shadow, (which had also been touted as a pretty good name as she's pretty much always at his side) just as his mother was about to unfold the winning name and handed it to him.
A slow grin turned into a huge smile as he knelt down (seems to be doing a lot of that lately-perhaps we should procure some knee pads for him) and scruffled her ears. "Anyone want to join Taffy and me for a game of Frisbee?"
It may take some getting used to and we may have to resist the temptation to hurry over with mouth watering morsels whenever we hear the Skipper's 'Here, Taffy, Here, Taffy'.
At any rate, Taffy Crane is a welcome addition to the NIMR family.
BYLINE BY ANGIE MCPHEARSON
A Frank by any other name...would be Admiral Roy Park who had won 'Best Overall Costume' for the recent contest after votes were tallied. He also lived up to his namesake over last weekend when, at a local baseball game, impressed with the food, he asked what brand of hot dogs they'd served.
'Ballpark franks, what else?" the vendor said. When he found out why colleagues Admiral Nelson, Lt.Cmd.r's Jamison, Morton, and Cmdr. Crane that this was Admiral 'Park', the NIMR costume party 'hot dog' who's picture had been in the local paper, the vendor treated him to a second helping and popcorn for all.
BYLINE BY LT.CMDR. WILL JAMISON
It was a sorry group of sailors who treaded toward and dreaded their meeting with the Captain in his NIMR office two weeks ago.
Even I was at the ready after having been warned by Angie that no sooner than he'd received some mail he was groaning and rather firmly and specifically, ordered several members of his crew to his office straightaway, front and center.
He had his back to them by the window as they entered upon his 'come in' to their knock. He was rocking on his heels, careful not to step on Taffy's tail. Mr. Morton was in the office with him, and not looking forward to the coming altercation at all.
"Mr. Morton has something to say to you..."Crane began.
"Me? Why is it always me?" he complained.
"Well, you're the one who suggested they help me out in the first place, isn't it?"
"I didn't know they'd bungle it!"
"Did you, or did you not," the Skipper turned and handed the men a document, "take this application to the K-9 Training School for me?"
"Uh, yes sir," Kowalski was the first to respond, confused. "The lady told us it wasn't complete and we had to fill the rest of it in....I told you goons to be more legible..."he turned to his fellow shipmates.
"Oh, its legible enough," Morton said, "how can well trained, highly sophisticated able seamen be so stupid?? The application was for Taffy, you idiots, not him!"
"Never mind, Chip," Crane said, "Even I can see it was a gross misunderstanding, not a bad joke...or else they were drunk at the time...All right, men, you can go. Chip? Remind me of the old saying...'if you want something done right, do it yourself'...that right Taf?" he scratched her ears.
"You know, "the Skipper continued, "I never noticed my shots and coat were in such disarray..."
I left them laughing as Crane made a phone call to the K-9 Training School and took a look at the document...below with permission. Perhaps some good came out of it too, if the Skipper's laughing with the lady on the phone meant anything, and her letter that had accompanied the returned application on his desk.(also below with permission)
YOUNG OR OLD
WE TRAIN SO YOU WON'T BE DRAINED
Taffy Lee B. Crane
Is applicant going to be or currently a working dog? If so, occupation and employer:
Capt. of SSRN Seaview
Admiral Nelson of NIMR is his employer.
Too many. Yeah, he's up to date, unless you can overlook that little incident when he had to spend a couple of days in quarantine after coming down with jungle rot that still pops up now and then. No known cure for this variety.
Condition of coat:
They look okay except for some stains on the khaki one from when he bumped into me by accident and I spilled some axle grease on him.
Condition of nails:
Gee, I don't know, he keeps' em pretty clean most of the time, except for times like when he had to change Miss Angie's printer and the ink cartridge stained them, or like when they got all sharp and pointed when he turned into a man beast.
Special dietary needs:
Coffee. Strong and black. A lot, available All the time.
No garlic (during a full moon.)
Armenian Vodka. Likes it straight. But also as the mixer for the occasional martini. Also likes the Admiral's Glen Livet-but with ice, which makes the Admiral cringe that he's not getting all of its flavorful nuances.
Dr. Pepper and Cheerios (together) Hey, we know it's weird, but he's the Skipper so it's allowed.
Special medical needs if hospitalized:
Sonar pings and bubbles recordings would help.
Special medical needs on a daily/weekly/monthly basis:
Well, it's not exactly medical, but he kinda goes into withdrawl if he doeson't get his weekly chocolate cherry pie.
Coffee-same here. Goes into 'Mega mood' without it.
USNA-B.S. in ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
US NAVY SEALS
FRED'S BAR AND GRILL -FRY COOK- helped out when Fred was down for the count.
AGENCY STUFF (classified)
SMALL CRAFT MASTER'S LICENCE-sail and powered-CIVILIAN (US COAST GUARD)
Vic's Vintner's Wine and Cheese Class
LARGE CRAFT MASTER'S LICENCE –sail and powered CIVILIAN (US COAST GUARD)
Mrs. Field's Official (Branch Office) Semi Monthly Cookie Taster
MASTERS LICENSE- SUBMARINE-US NAVY
FAA CIVILIAN PILOT'S LICENCE- PROP.
FAA CIVLIAN PILOTS LICENCE- JET
JET PILOT LICENCE-US NAVY /FAA
US NAVY FOREIGN
Obstetrics- helped Mrs. Keeler give birth when they were trapped together alone in a NIMR elevator and none of the emergency phones or buttons were working, even if he had to be revived after it was all over and he passed out from the goo and stress of it.
US NAVY DIVING SCHOOL-SCUBA
US NAVY DIVING SCHOOL-DEEP DIVER APPARATUS
Any unusual personality traits:
Don't get in the way of his eyes when angry. They can cut through lead!
Too easily suckered into charity donations and volunteer work. Or taking on so-called emergency missions when we could really give them to another institute or to the Navy. Also takes on specialty agency assignments at the drop of a hat when he's supposed to be recuperating from his last one or a really bad cruise!
Can't abide Tex Mex food. Not all that partial to Italian either.
--- -- ---- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----
YOUNG OR OLD
WE TRAIN SO YOU WON'T BE DRAINED
Dear Mr. Crane,
We are returning your application herewith as you may be unaware of its many omissions of vital information.
Our receptionist says the men telling her they were acting on your behalf filled out most of it there.
Indeed, when first read the application, we assumed it was a practical joke, but upon further review and research we've come to the conclusion that it was a simple case of misunderstanding our form.
Be assured once the pertinent information is returned to us (we're enclosing a new application); 'Taffy' will be enrolled in our 12 step training program and will be on her way to a healthy obedient and housetrained or in your case, sub-trained life.
Miss Snuffie Woofie
(Specialty business name-my real name is Samantha Woofe.)
I look forward to meeting both Taffy and her owner soon.
*FOR PHOTOS SEE INSERT*