The Gripes of Chip Morton

A Letter to the Admiral

By Seaview Siren.

Sir,

Well I feel it is time I write down my issues, Admiral. I have a few to raise and the time has come for me to have my say.

I get so fed up stuck up in that control room day in, day out, taking the conn while you and the captain have all the fun. Why even crewmen get to have more fun than me. It's simply not fair!

For instance, when we all got turned into pirates, how come I didn't get to wear a pirate outfit? Granted, I was only a pirate for a few seconds but I still should've had one. I looked odd, standing there with my arms folded asking you to strike your colors. And what the hell does that phrase mean?

My only consolation was that Lee didn't get taken over or dressed up like up as a pirate. Speaking of pirates, Kowalski did a mighty fine job.

I mean, I know I have gotten dressed up before, but those times because no one else wanted to, like when we crossed the equator and I had to wear that stupid checked table cloth and mop head as ‘King Neptune’. I looked more like a shepherd. Well, next time the Skipper can do it!

I'm not being ungrateful but I would like to be taken over a bit more, I mean, the aliens don't bother with me much. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. ‘He has been taken over’, yes, wearing that stupid gold spray paint, well, I looked like something out of ‘Goldfinger’.

I also didn't enjoy being a wax dummy, or a stupid doll, or being taken over by a shadow man. I want some real excitement and something better than logging dolphins. Why couldn't I see a mermaid?

You seem to conveniently forget that I saved the Seaview and all hands when I steered the diving bell through that derelict minefield with Chief Jones. We had no guidance control and I proved that I was pretty skilled.

But what thanks did I get? I didn't even get to go to the Naval Hospital to chat the pretty nurses up, oh no, that was the Skipper’s job!

I do care about the crew and worry about them, although there are times when I’d just have liked to escape the submarine and get away from it a bit, but not to be nearly blown up in a cave!

I never get to go anywhere in the flying sub, I never get chance to leave the submarine, well apart from a trip to Venus, which was horrendous! I mean, I didn't even get a chance to explore the place as I was blinded!

I’ve never even been to sickbay much, well, apart from the time the Skipper thought I was drunk and threatened to put me in the brig, then when I got knocked out…how come I've never been locked in the brig?

I'm sick of being in that control room looking at those charts all day. I want more excitement which doesn't include knocking off a jeep to go and rescue you! Then Chief Sharkey turns up and steals the limelight with a mark on his face. Why couldn't that have been me? Without the mark though. Is it that I am too valuable to leave the submarine and risk my life? Why, Captain Crane does that all the time? I'd like to do it, but not anything too dangerous!

I think at times, Admiral, I would be better off going back to the Navy. It's not that I'm being difficult, I'd just like some kind of an adventure. I don't want to be brainwashed though; I wouldn't like that!

Anything else is fine really, although I wouldn't want to be made into a cyborg or a child's toy.

It’s just that I feel under- valued and you didn't help by getting paranoid and telling me that you didn't trust me, and in front of the duty watch in the control room! You really humiliated me! If it wasn’t for me Seaview would be in real trouble, so please remember that, sir.

Why couldn’t I have been the control in the experiment between you and the Skipper instead of Chief Sharkey? He gets all the exciting jobs!

Mind you I wouldn’t’ve fancied fighting with the Skipper!

I’m not sure I would have been as angry as Sharkey.

I need some job satisfaction and counting seals isn’t it. I’d like to do some more under-sea exploring but without getting attacked by sea monsters. I wouldn’t like that. I’m not too keen on getting captured either, or held hostage.

On second thought, you best leave me in the control room!

Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton

Our Mr. Morton wants adventure, well he thinks he does but when it comes down to it he’d rather stay safe….